Forgiveness is the process of letting go of resentment and freeing yourself from the energy drain it produces. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone something – just that you’ve let it go.
The cool thing about forgiveness is that it is a VIBRATION – just like hope, or joy, or love. You can fill your space with the energy of forgiveness and create amazing results.
You hear about the importance of forgiving others for what they did. And the importance of forgiving yourself for the big and small things that you’ve done wrong. However, a deeper level of forgiveness tends to get overlooked. I call it complicity forgiveness.
I believe that I am responsible for my life – my choices – and for everything those choices create. This means that there are no accidents and – most relevant in terms of forgiveness – there are no victims.
Sometimes we create a disaster where life takes a painful turn to learn a lesson. My first marriage was a true disaster. However, ultimately, many wonderful things were the result. I am who I am because of the choices I made and the lessons I learned because of those choices.
Forgiveness was a big part of that process. I forgave him fairly quickly; it only took about twenty years. It took another ten to forgive the person I really needed to forgive – myself. Yes, me – for putting myself in the situation in the first place. I was complicit. My options. My choices.
Sometimes the pain we create for ourselves is unconscious – a way to fill some other need – like getting love or affection from someone. When my daughter was about four, she went through a phase where she hurt herself a lot – fell down, scraped a knee, banged her head on something – just little things. She’d run to me, get a hug, and be all better. After a couple of weeks, I took her aside and said, “Sweetie, you don’t have to hurt yourself to get a hug – just ask for one.” The phase ended immediately, but what if she still had that belief – that she needed to get hurt to get affection? Forgiveness works to release those old patterns and the pain that results.
Think about the pain, anger, guilt, and resentment you are holding on to like precious jewels. Notice how your body reacts – where the new bits of pain and tension erupt – and ask yourself if it is really worth it. Maybe try a little forgiveness instead.
By Heidi Buswell