A turn in the pathI have been working lately on clearing blocks to my communication with God. It has been a difficult time. When I was small, I allowed my personal connection with God to be severed. Then, I bought the lie that God was the one who severed it. Needless to say, this generated a lot of pain which, over the past several months, I have been diligently working to clear away.

To that end, I was meditating and decided to ask God for some assistance. I had some wonderful questions to ask: intelligent, rational, logical questions about how I should proceed. Long ago I discovered that an effective way to circumvent people who were trying to manipulate me was to simply sound like a broken record. That is, state my position and then stick to it. Don’t respond to arguments, questions or statements in anything beyond the words I used to initially present my point of view. It works wonders, and after a while, the person gets the message. So, here I am, ready with my list of questions, and I have the following conversation with God:

“Hello, God.”
“I love you, Heidi.”
“I was wondering…”
“I love you, Heidi.”
“Yeah, but how…”
“I love you, Heidi.”
“Okay, but what…”
“I love you, Heidi.”
“I understand. Good night, God.”

It was a rather humbling experience – being on the other end of a broken record. It had never happened to me before. I did, however, get the message. God loves me, and that is all I really need to know.
I still felt confused about where to go next in this healing process though, so I didn’t focus my meditations on anything in particular. In all the years I have been dealing with pain, I have always faced it as a group of survival issues. Last night, as I was ending my meditation, I caught a momentary glimpse of something that changed my whole focus. For the first time, I saw how the pain was directly connected with my need for control. I now have my new direction. I find, as I have with all my revelations, that it is so simple, I feel almost foolish for not seeing it before.

I need to trust God and, more important, trust in God’s love for me enough to give up that precious control.

By Heidi Buswell

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