Let Myself Enjoy
I watched a movie “Unfinished Song” and the man is grumpy as all get out. After his loving wife dies, he, with the help of a friend begins singing again. His friend says, “You’re beginning to enjoy.” He prays to his wife to help him enjoy.
I watched that scene and realized for me, to enjoy is a choice. I choose.
I am seeing myself more lately. As I meditate, I am getting to know myself in new ways – everyday. Many things I like very much and some patterns I’m less keen on.
As I watched this movie, I had a concept of enjoying the whole package. My own concepts of me are not all of who I am.
In the movie, the grumpy man is afraid and he pushes people away (his son for one).
I’ve been afraid a lot of my life. I use meditation to release fear and I sometimes see the joy of letting go of fear rather then judging it thus, increasing the fear. (I am however excellent at judging myself.)
So, what if I were to enjoy the process? What if I were to cut myself some slack, see my qualities and beauty and allow the “yucky” stuff inside of me be an adventure of healing. Wow, did I just say that?
There is a song. “Dance then wherever you may be, I am the Lord of the dance said he and I’ll led you all wherever you may be, and I’ll lead you all in the dance said he.”
My take on that song is to celebrate or “dance,” allowing myself to be exactly where I am. And that I have help and support. That is so cool, I could cry.
I have been part of CDM for over 30 years. The classes and techniques have brought me great joy, more joy then I’ve ever experienced. I’ve also struggled, sometimes for long periods of time. I see that having been afraid I’ve created many patterns: control, hate, shame etc.
On the bright side is me and my healing journey. Those patterns come up and I will be having opportunities to heal throughout my life. However, I am now less afraid of my fears. I am less judgmental of others fears. I do have a glimmer that we are all in this together and so now I’ll see the person in the store who’s grumpy or mean and know that behind that is fear. (It could just as well be me) The beauty of me, far outweighs any of my lessons.
Grounding is my saving grace and it is so simple. Thank God for CDM and all the assistance I’ve received to dance where I am.
