Empathy vs. Sympathy
I’ve found that there is a lot of confusion between sympathy and empathy. I used to explain the difference with a common example. Empathy is seeing someone down in a pit and providing a ladder so they can get out; sympathy is jumping down into the pit to join them so now two people are stuck in the hole. This explanation – which I thought was perfectly clear – always met with nods of agreement and very little actual comprehension.
So, I’ve changed tactics; I’m going with blunt.
Empathy is comprised of understanding, compassion, and even assistance but it is marked by neutrality. There is a very distinct awareness of being separate from the other person or situation.
Sympathy is matching the person where they are. (Contrary to popular belief, you cannot heal them “better” if you join them in their pain.) It is marked by some version of the statement: “I feel what you feel.” It is neither neutral nor separate. In fact, it is a mark of someone who is unable to own their own space. Once “caught” in sympathy, you are at the other person’s mercy. You will often do almost anything to ease their pain as that is the only way you can ease your own. Making the shift from sympathy to empathy is an important way to clear and own your space.
When I hear people say “I’m just so empathetic – I feel what others do.” as if they have no choice in the matter, I find myself biting my tongue. If you “feel what others do” you are simply matching their energy and allowing them to move into your space and take up residence. You’ve “gone in to sympathy” often due to either resistance or matching pictures. Whatever the reason, empathy is not part of the equation. If you find yourself in sympathy with someone or something, take the time to make separations so that you can come to a space of empathy.
Empathy is not cold, or mean – although someone expert at manipulating people by triggering a “sympathetic reaction” will likely claim it is both. Rather, it is owning your space and viewing the situation from a neutral perspective – where you can offer assistance without getting stuck, and are also much less open to manipulation.
